My 20th birthday is coming up in less than a month, so for the next four Monday’s, I am going to share five things I have learned before turning 20 years old, which will add up to 20 things. I hope you enjoy these little pearls of wisdom, and be sure to follow to make sure you don’t miss out on the next three parts of this series.

1. Don’t play the victim.

I’ve heard my parents say this frequently through out my life, and it is something I need to remember while I enter my 20s. Take responsibility for your actions, no matter what it is. If you walk into a door frame and stub your toe, it is your fault, not the door frame’s fault. If you decide to skip class and miss an in-class assignment, the zero you receive is your fault, so take responsibility for your choices and actions. You are not a victim of your circumstances.

2. It is okay to say no.

You are allowed to say no to something someone asks you to do. You do not have to do everything someone asks of you. It is perfectly okay for you to not do that favor for your friend, and it is okay for you to back out on a preplanned event in order to take care of yourself or your mental health. You can not do everything, and it is okay to prioritize yourself before the things others ask you do to for them.

3. You will miss your family (even if they drive you crazy.)

We all love our families, but family can also drive you crazy. You may think you’ll be glad to be out in the world on your own, but you will miss your mom telling you to go to bed at a reasonable hour, and your dad cutting up fruit for you in the morning.

4. Experiences are better than things.

I’m not saying buying things isn’t great, trust me, I like shopping. However, what I have learned is that I would rather spend my money on a concert I can experience with my friends rather than buying those expensive Nike shoes at the mall. Chances are, those shoes won’t last very long. You may grow out of them, they may soon be out of style, or you may just wear them so much they fall apart. Regardless, you’ll probably hold the memory of the concert closer to your heart than the memory of those shoes.

5. School is not the most important thing.

I know, sounds crazy to say, especially coming from someone who works very hard for her grades, but school is not the most important thing. While you should work hard to do well in everything you do, you should not let your education take control of your life. There will be times where you can afford to make sacrifices, like taking a break from studying for a quiz in order to grab coffee with a friend you barely see, and you should take those chances.